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CÓMO REACCIÓNAR ANTE EL FRACASO ESCOLAR
PADRES SEPARADOS: RECOMENDACIONES DE CÓMO EDUCAR A SUS HIJOS
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PADRES SEPARADOS: RECOMENDACIONES DE CÓMO EDUCAR A SUS HIJOS

Cuando una pareja decide ser padres, han pasado de ser dos personas a ser tres o varios miembros; por lo tanto se han convertido en una familia. Parece una decisión sencilla, pero no lo es, porque formar una familia conlleva aspectos implícitos en los que no se suele pensar. Una familia, es crear la unidad más importante de la sociedad y de las personas que la compone porque aporta confianza, seguridad, bienestar,… sobre todo para los hijos, debido a que estos factores forman su futura personalidad, autoconcepto de sí mismos, autoestima. Un niño capaz de afrontar pequeñas dificultades es porque en su ambiente familiar ha sentido seguridad, protección, cariño,…  en la medida adecuada que ha permitido un desarrollo personal favorable para adaptarse a las novedades de su vida diaria.
Por ello, el estilo más adecuado para educar a sus hijos es aquel en el que ambos progenitores caminen en una misma dirección y que consiste en ser muy afectivo, exigente; cálido; estimular la madurez de sus hijos poniendo límites y haciendo respetar las normas; además de ser comprensivos, afectuosos y fomentando la comunicación. Deben ser padres sensibles a las necesidades de sus hijos, que estimulen la expresión de sus necesidades y dejando un espacio para que empiecen a ser responsables y autónomos. La relación entre padres e hijos se debe caracterizar por el diálogo, el consenso como forma para que los niños comprendan las situaciones. Sensibles a las posibilidades de cada niño. Sus normas deben ser coherentes pero no rígidas, prefieren el razonamiento y la explicación más que la imposición, estimular que el niño se esfuerce en conseguir una meta pero conocen el ámbito de las posibilidades de sus hijos. No presionar con aquello para lo que no están aún preparados. Fomentar la iniciativa de sus hijos asumiendo que van a cometer errores dados su inexperiencia. Esto se consigue con un entendimiento, comunicación y diálogo por parte de los progenitores y conlleva a que los hijos sean más felices consigo mismos y eran generosos con los demás; son más competentes socialmente, mayor autoestima, autonomía y responsabilidad, mayor autorregulación y desarrollo moral. Son persistentes en las tareas que emprenden y tienen un buen autocontrol y son competentes socialmente.
 
 
Sin embargo, en ocasiones la pareja debe romperse por diversas situaciones como medida necesaria; como por ejemplo cuando la relación de la pareja se ha vuelto muy conflictiva, en el que no existe amor, ni seguridad, ni apoyo, en donde existe un dolor constante en la pareja, donde se saca a la superficie lo peor de cada uno. En consecuencia, la ruptura formal puede ser la única solución, y por tanto, ésta tiene repercusiones graves sobre los hijos. A pesar de ser un proceso personal extremadamente doloroso y traumático, que suele terminar en divorcio, se considera un remedio contra un matrimonio infeliz, a pesar de que conlleva una experiencia en la que aparecen unos sentimientos intensos de miedo, culpabilidad, rencor o incluso odio, y se convierten en partes integrantes del día a día. Algunos padres, se preguntan si no sería mejor olvidarse de sus deseos personales y seguir con su matrimonio, por lo menos hasta que los hijos se vayan de casa. En la actualidad, esta noción de que las parejas mal avenidas o desgraciadas deben continuar unidas por el bien de los hijos está dando paso al nuevo concepto de que los matrimonios sin esperanza de arreglo, deberían terminarse para salvar entre otras cosas el bienestar de sus propios hijos. Pues se ha demostrado, que seguir juntos por el bien de los hijos no funciona con una pareja en constante conflicto, ya que hace sufrir tanto a los adultos que la integran como a sus hijos. Por el contrario, una ruptura que permite hacer a los padres más felices acabará beneficiando a los niños.
 
 
En estos casos, los padres deben tener en cuenta las posibles reacciones de sus hijos y deben ser conscientes de que deben controlar sus sentimientos, actos, comentarios delante de ellos, en todo momento. Porque ante la separación, al igual que los padres el niño puede tener posibles reacciones puede provocar  reacción de ansiedad, e incluso angustia, durante el conflicto y tras la separación de los padres. Suelen sentir miedo; lloran a menudo por lo que hay que acompañarles en ese momento favoreciendo esa expresión del dolor que sienten; suelen insistir en el deseo de que los padres vuelvan a estar juntos. Hasta que no aceptan que esto no es posible, se muestran muy tristes e infelices. Acabarán aceptando que esto no es más que una fantasía. Algunos se acuerdan del otro progenitor, cuando el que está con ellos les regaña; y desean tanto estar con el otro, que incluso pueden llegar a pensar en escaparse de casa. Llegan a idealizar más al otro progenitor, al ausente, pues sólo recuerda los buenos ratos pasados con éste. Probablemente, aparezcan trastornos en el sueño y en la alimentación.
El momento de tomar la decisión implica que el niño tenga una edad y madurez concreta que también influyen, puesto que cuanto más pequeño es el niño, dispone de menos mecanismos para elaborar lo que está pasando. En consecuencia, suelen aparecer manifestaciones de ello a través del cuerpo: molestias abdominales, vómitos, dolores de cabeza,... Cuando el niño es algo mayorpuede sentirse la causa de dicha separación y, por tanto, sentir gran culpabilidad. Suelen aparecer depresiones con fases más agresivas, repercusiones en el rendimiento escolar, regresiones a edades anteriores (vuelven a surgir comportamientos anteriores, de más pequeños,...) En niños ya más mayores, suele desarrollarse una excesiva madurez en parte positiva, pero a la vez peligrosa que pretende sustituir al progenitor ausente.
Por ello, los padres deben poseer la suficiente asertividad para tranquilizar al niño y recordar constantemente una serie de mensaje como, por ejemplo que: la decisión de separarse es exclusivamente de los padres, ellos han tomado esta decisión porque creen que es lo mejor para todos los componentes de la familia. Los hijos no han tenido nada que ver en esta decisión; los padres no se han separado porque el niño se haya portado mal, pues otras veces lo ha hecho y no ha ocurrido así; resaltar al niño cuántas personas se preocupan por él (abuelos, amigos, profesores,...) y desean que sea feliz, nunca se quedará porque cuenta con el cariño de más personas; seguirá disponiendo de ambos padres, en todos los aspectos que él precise, aunque ya no vivan juntos; siempre que le preocupe algo o se sienta mal, podrá hablar con los padres; ello le hará sentirse mejor; aunque los padres se hayan separado, el niño puede igualmente amar y ser amado; no tiene por qué repetirse esa situación siempre. Los padres demuestran su amor de muy diversas maneras. Pero puedes sentir que tus padres te siguen queriendo si intentan estar contigo todo el tiempo que pueden, si te ayudan cuando lo necesitas y si te escuchan.
Los progenitores no deben olvidar que, a pesar de haber habido un cambio en la familia, no deben sentirse culpables de ello y no se debe caer en la sobreprotección del hijo por pena; se le ha de seguir tratando como a un niño "normal" de su edad, y por tanto, seguir los consejos del estilo anteriormente mencionados. Si no "no le ayudaremos a crecer", acabará comportándose de forma inmadura y más infantil de lo que le corresponde. Porque todas las personas tienen virtudes y defectos y por tanto,  también los padres. Se debería hablar con el niño del otro progenitor con argumentos reales, sin caer en la ficción ni en comentarios de experiencias negativas. Cuando toca día de visita, en el caso de ser unas horas, es preferible que ese día no se llene excesivamente con actividades, pues si se ocupa el tiempo en hacer demasiadas cosas, no hay tiempo para charlar, comunicarse,...
Otro punto importante y más conflictivos de la separación suelen ser: los hijos, el dinero y las nuevas relaciones. Sin embargo, se debe ser objetivo y no intentar poner al hijo de su parte. Hay que pretender solucionar estas cuestiones, sin involucrar a los hijos. Es preferible para los niños, que vuelva a constituirse una familia compuesta por hombre y mujer, aunque uno de ellos no sea el verdadero progenitor; ello reparará los vínculos dañados, aunque requerirá tiempo la aceptación de esa nueva situación por parte de todos.
Para terminar, concluir que, la separación no necesariamente causa reacciones negativas aunque sí algunas de ellas. Pero es una experiencia que se les aporta a su vida y ella le aporta conocimiento a lo largo de su vida, ya que el divorcio no es el único hecho que les perjudica. Muchos de los hijos superan la crisis familiar saliendo de ella reforzados y más maduros, que sus coetáneos pertenecientes a familias unidas. Es decir, se ha comprobado que es preferible para la estabilidad emocional de los hijos, unos padres separados pero felices a unos padres juntos pero que viven sin ninguna relación de amor y con frecuentes peleas.
 

133 comentarios para PADRES SEPARADOS: RECOMENDACIONES DE CÓMO EDUCAR A SUS HIJOS:

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Desarrollo Personal on viernes, 07 de febrero de 2014 19:27
Realmente que educar a los hijos cuando ha ocurrido es un reto muy grande, porque el solo hecho de la separación puede ser visto como un mal ejemplo. Se tienen que buscar varias estrategias para que la autoestima de los más pequeños no sea lastimada y puedan desarrollarse en un ambiente agradable.
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Mª Isabel on viernes, 25 de julio de 2014 11:53
Se requiere de mucha inteligencia emocional y asertividad para que unos padres en pleno conflicto interno, puedan buscar estrategias. Lo mejor es que se puedan ayudar de buenos profesionales que los asesoren, no en el tema jurídico sino emocial. Totalmente deacuerdo con usted. Muchas gracias por dejar su comentario. Un saludo Isabel


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